
A great battle is waged over whom shall have the benefit of my services now the coffee house is closing its doors. Dribble & Whizz clearly lacked vision, not understanding what they had done in casting me adrift in February. They did not comprehend that their short-sighted tactics would one day create a flood of companies vying for my knowledge, abilities, and skills whilst simultaneously seeing their own quality of service diminish.
Two stores enter, one store leaves...
After the brutal savaging suffered in the economic downhill joyride, the coffee house will fade into bankrupt obscurity and, being inextricably financially linked to it, so generally will I. And of the more than one hundred places to which I applied, only two contenders--perceiving that some fifteen years of management has prepared me well--have dared to take the field in a violent clash over which will win out.
Two stores enter, one store leaves...
First to send an opening salvo was Gas Planet, shocked that Dribble & Whizz could ever have under-valued and devalued an employee of my experience, and one so clearly qualified for better things. They immediately leapt to offer me management, explaining that I would be well treated and well paid if only I would accept their lucrative offer. I said 'Yes.' And then came the silence.
Two stores enter, one store leaves...
The second contender, Liqu-O-Rama (one of the top competitors of Dribble & Whizz) immediate lunged in to fill the void. 'We need someone of your skills,' they explained. 'Sorry it took three months to call. Can't imagine what we were thinking.' They had me take a two hour written test, fill out papers, and then explained that they would look things over and get back to me within twenty-four hours.
Two stores enter, one store leaves...
Twenty-four hours went by in silence. Forty-eight. Seventy-two. Then the telephone rang. It was the District Manager of Gas Planet. 'Meet us at 11. We want to talk money.' So I drove thirty minutes across town in a torrential downpour and arrived at Gas Planet. 'Oh. Yeah. He's over at Wendy's. Go over there.' I raced to Wendy's. 'So...yeah...we haven't had a chance to check all three of your references yet. I know it's been almost a month. Sorry. Your drug test was clean though. How about if we start you out at much less than what you were making at Dribble & Whizz? Oh sure there's four times the work, but you understand. And you'll need to make a ninety minute drive twice a day to our training store. That won't be a problem, will it? Do you have any other references we can check? We'll get back to you in a day or so.' I figured this must have been very important to them, otherwise why drag me across town in a rain storm for something that could have been done on the telephone?
Two stores enter, one store leaves...
Upon my return home, I called Liqu-O-Rama. 'Oh. Yeah. We forgot to call you. I haven't had a chance to finish figuring out where we want to place you. But I'll give you a call first thing Monday. Oh and if it's okay with you, we'll start you out at about $4 an hour less than what you were making before.'
Two stores enter, one store leaves...
Mid morning on Monday, Gas Planet called. 'We need to have you come out on Tuesday to go over some last minute details. At Wendy's.' Monday afternoon I called Liqu-O-Rama. 'Well,' they said, 'if you really want the Gas Planet job, we understand. But if you wait until Tuesday, we'll get back to you.'
Two stores enter, one store leaves...
Tuesday morning I arrived at Wendy's. And waited. And waited. And waited. Eventually the District Manager showed up: 'So... yeah... See we had an employee come back from maternity leave and we think we're going to give her the store we offered you. Are you interested in Assistant Manager? Well then go talk to Nikki tomorrow at one-thirty at the other store.'
Two stores enter, one store leaves...
Wednesday at 1.30 I went to see Nikki, a pencil-thin crack whore who appeared to be about two hundred years old and, when she wasn't puffing on a cigarette, spoke in the deep raspy tones of a professional wrestler: 'I don't know why he sent you here. I ain't got nothin but a part time cashier job for about seven dollars an hour.' Ten minutes later I was in my car phoning Liqu-O-Rama. I got the answerphone. I left a message. Again.
Two stores enter, one store leaves...
Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday drifted by. I fought the urge to call back the Gas Planet DM and explain to him in absolutely no uncertain terms what I thought about the ignorant cuntrag running their 'other store' and what a slap in the face it was to be jerked round by a company that claimed to pride themselves on staffing their stores with exemplary employees of the highest quality. In the meantime, late Sunday, Wal-Mart rang me. 'If you're still interested, we have a position open unloading trucks on second shift.' I paused, then politely explained that I had applied (and was well qualified) for any number of the various management positions they currently had open and that unloading trucks was a monumental step down from what I have been doing for the better part of my working adult life.
Tw0 stores enter, one store leaves...
Monday afternoon my cell phone rang. It was Liqu-O-Rama. 'If you're still interested, we'd like to make you an offer. Can you stop by Tuesday morning about ten?' I arrived as scheduled and was lead through the corridors of power at their corporate offices. 'We have three stores that have individuals who are... under performing, let's say. We haven't decided where we want to send you yet, but after a week of training at one of our high-end stores, we'll let you know.' I asked what three stores they had in mind. 'Well, one is a nice quiet little store very close to your house, one is a complete shit-hole about a twenty minute drive into the 'hood and you would be behind a big glass barrier, the other one makes the complete shit-hole look like a sweet juicy little slice of Heaven with a big dollop of whipped cream and a cherry. Doesn't that sound terrific?' I paused, and then explained as politely as I could that, after having been robbed three times at gunpoint in complete shit-hole stores thanks to the lack of foresight of Dribble & Whizz, I would really prefer being put in the nice quiet store close to my house. 'Yeah. I figured you say that. We'll let you know after a week and a half at a really nice store, though.'
And so from Thundrdome, scarred and battered, does Liqu-O-Rama emerge victorious.
For now...